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April 5, 2005

Hot times, summer in the city...

As warmer days approach, I am pleased to see city dwellers enjoying the weather. I am, however, a little displeased with other things. I have seen the first wife beater. Did the inventor of this shirt really envision this creation to become synonomous with domestic violence?

It's time for me to help my brethren. Men, if you are going to sport such fare, there are a few things you might want to work on. I know this will sound like a clip from Queer Eye, but right is right. Trim your underarm hair. I did not say shave, I said trim. If when you put your arm down the hair under your arms looks like it is making a prison break, you might want to hit that with a trimmer. That's for starters. Now here comes the complicated part. Odor. If you think that you smell, you should put on some deodorant. I really do not care what kind you use, whether it is roll on, spray, or stick. Use it. I do not care if you look like LL Cool J singing �Momma Said Knock You Out� on MTV Unplugged. Caked deodorant is far more preferable to the odor alternative. You know who you are. If you don't, let me help you.

You wear a wife beater and jeans, listen to your iPod, and think that holding on to the overhead pole is best done with both arms stretched WAY above your head. This is you. If you did not know, now you do. Why is it that this guy always decides to stand near me when the train is crowded? With a funk so raunchy that it could make your eyes water. This is not manly this is funky. I want someone to help these people. I want a lady like the one who accosts people in the department store to spray you with a super sweet scent that you know is not for men. These women should be roaming the subway cars. And anyone who is offensive to the nose should get a spritz. And as an added bonus, people should be able to buy the deodorant on the way out of the subway car -- or have a good samaritan buy it for them. I would do it. That would be five dollars well spent.

Please heed the tips provided above and we can all have a pleasant summer subway experience.

Posted by Kwaku at April 5, 2005 5:15 PM

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