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April 26, 2005

Road Rage

Summer quickly approaches and I find myself having to dodge potholes. You know the huge crater-like impressions that collect crap--they're like the belly buttons of the street. I am glad to see road crews paving the streets. But there is a problem: They seem to do it with the typical Big City know how. One day you wake up and the street has been completely dug up. The crews have this big machine that will remove about 6 to 7 inches of asphalt. So the street is now dug up -- or lowered by several inches--all except the damn man hole covers. Walking down these stripped streets is like entering one of those Wild West movies. There is always dust and pebbles blowing around. And every time a car passes, it kicks the dust up. And if you are passing behind a car, the little pebble-size bits of asphalt fly off the tire and pepper you. I almost had a war flash back.

This is bad enough, but let's say like most people you drive a regular car (no SUV owners, you don't count). Trying to drive down the street is like one of those F.B.I. tactical driving courses. And if you manage not to swerve away from a man hole cover, you are greeted by the horrible sound of metal on metal as parts of your undercarriage are ripped away--do not laugh,it happened to me. This torture will go on for about two or three weeks. All the while the street is getting dustier and the pelting more frequent. And then one day (21 days later) you are freed. One morning, you wake up and there is a shiny new black asphalt top on your street. If your car still has an undercarriage it would thank you. However, the new blacktop is not without its shortcomings -- because there are no LINES on the street. Drivers are just doing their own thing. Cars are parked haphazardly, sticking out in harm's way. Everyone is making turns that you want to call a "U," but in reality they bear more resemblance to a cursive letter Y. And what of those poor pedestrians who used to use the crosswalk? Well, they are forced to haphazardly jump out in front of cars like the Halloween. These shenanigans tend to go on for another three to four weeks, by which time drivers on the street have forgotten that there ever was a crosswalk. They, therefore, stop their cars in what can only be described as a HEDGE MAZE OF DEATH.

Now pedestrians have to make the big decisions: Do I want to cross in front of the red Honda or run a tailgate play and try to slingshot around the Ford Festiva? Whatever they decide, they have to execute it in under a minute flat while dodging other pedestrians or get run over by a cabbie--they're bright yellow for a reason people--so they're easer to dodge.

You have all seen it and been a part of the delicate dance played with tons of steal and rubber. The confusion is ended when they finally put lines back on the road. The whole process took about 10 to 11 weeks and you have a newly paved road just in time for winter.

Posted by Kwaku at April 26, 2005 12:58 PM

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Posted by: Princess at April 28, 2005 10:41 AM

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