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April 13, 2005

The shame of it

Here is another one for the shenanigans file.

As a driver in the metro area, I am also a parker in the metro area. A forgetful parker sometimes. What I mean is that sometimes I do not get up in time to move the car for alternate side of the street parking. I know, you say it's so easy -- well, itÕs not, and sometimes 20 minutes on that snooze bar is worth the $50, but there's a problem here.

First problem: meter maids in their little vespa scooter mobiles and their reluctance to leave their metal cocoon. You've seen it -- they do not want to get out of the safety or comfort of their personal transport, so they stick the ticket in the slot between the hood and the body. What the hell is that? You have to put the ticket under the windshield wiper. That is your job. This half-ass approach is not reliable. I have seen tickets blow out of this shallow crevice on windy days and have gone and gotten them to place them under the wiper on the intended car. But is this right? How many of you have seen the bright orange tickets on the ground and wondered if the cars' owners threw the tickets away or if the tickets fell victim to that most dangerous combination: Lazy civil servants and, oh, let's say a gust of wind. If I fall victim to their less than total execution of their job, am I allowed a to prorate my fine accordingly? It wouldn't be much, about the distance between the hood crack and the windshield. Better yet, I have a great idea for an invention to get full meter maid service. A seal that fits into the slot between the car hood and the body, which would force them to into the cold, the rain, snow---and well SUNSHINE. Ha, ha!! Would they really write the ticket if they had to get out and walk five feet? I really think it would be a toss up. I'd venture a guess that my invention would lower the rapidly escalating rate of parking ticket by as much as 40%.

On to other violations of common decency provoked by not moving your car for alternate side of the street parking. While meter "persons" may give you a ticket, the metro area transit cops have decided to up the anti. THE STICKER OF SHAME. You know the one -- that big neon green or orange 8 1/2 X 11 sheet of paper that they affix to your window. The one that can be seen FROM SPACE. Look folks -- I know I have done wrong and I know I must pay for it with a monetary fine -- but that is where it should stop. Why must you amplify my shame by defacing my ride? ThatÕs just kicking a man when he is down. Let's say you get one of these stickers, have you ever tried to get one off? One of the few City commodities that actually works, this stuff adheres to your car like super glue. There's something wrong here -- the ticket with the fine can be precariously placed on your hood, held down by a pebble, but the sticker of shame is molecularly bonded to the glass of your window proclaiming your transgression for weeks, if not months to come. Long after the initial transgression, you can tell those of us who have received the infamous and shameful sticker -- little neon bits of shame cling to our windows surrounded by dirt, leaves, and twigs stuck to the adhesive we could not get off. Wash the window you might suggest-- you are so naive. This stuff laughs at water like I laugh at vegetables. When did we vote that this was OK? I want a recount. If the City needs money so bad, they should sell the formula for the adhesive to 3M Ñ they would pay you tons of money for that secret. If you must continue with this practice, use a sticker with more of a post-it type of adhesive. Hell, how much does the sticker of shame cost? Can I opt not to get the sticker of shame and pay more money on my ticket?

For now, my solution is to just keep my car supper dirty. Attached to a layer of city soot, those stickers come right off. Unfortunately, once I remove them,I then have to wash the car because they create a clean spot. I wonder if I should just spray PAM on my back windows.

Posted by Kwaku at April 13, 2005 10:44 AM

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