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December 5, 2005

Signs of the Apocalypse

In my quest to ever expand the reading audience of Errant Pixel, I present a new category: Signs of the Apocalypse. Why am I coming up with this category? Well, I have been noticing things just going askew as of late and thought that maybe I would point out the really weird stuff--stuff not really fun enough to make a post out of but worth mentioning. "What brought this to a head?" you might ask. It was my experience this weekend. Let me start off by saying that I am a little bit obsessive and sometimes it just takes me. So, with that as a basis, you will understand why I do not take too many things seriously.

On Saturday I found myself taking something too seriously (a video game). It just sucked me in. Have you ever forgotten about time? Well, it happened to me. The only thing that saved me from several hours of thumb-wrenching agony was the fact that my dog was crying. I told her to leave me alone but she persisted. At this point I look at the clock and realize that it was 2:00 a.m. and I had missed the dog's walk time by several hours. I decide I should be a good owner since my dog was a good dog and warned me before she soiled the floor.

I put on my winter gear and took the dog downstairs to do the puppy do. The night was cold. It was far too cold for me, but my dog loves cold weather. I decide to take her for an extra long walk so that she could really clear out her pipes. When the long walk wass over we headed back toward the house. As I got to the corner, a large dog briskly trotting in the middle of the street spotted me and my dog at the corner, and stoped and turned. It took me a second to notice that this dog did not have on a collar. I looked in the direction from which the dog came, hoping to see an owner running after him with a dog leash in hand--no such luck. OK... this is a stray. Not a huge deal. He could have recently been lost and I may look like the kind of person who carries dog treats. (I am, you know. I carry them so that I can give them to homeless people's dogs. Hell, it’s not the dog's fault that his owner is homeless. Most of them have these signs that say "Help, my dog is hungry and needs an operation." Blah, blah, blah.

 I bet you have never seen a more pissed off homeless man than one who sees your hand go into your pocket and come out with a handful dog biscuits. You see, for a second the homeless man calculates the street value of a milk bone...but back to the street at 2:00 a.m. This stray is not overly aggressive but I think it's better to stay still and hold my ground. As soon as I started to get comfortable, another dog comes from behind a car--then four more.

"Oh, look--dinner, " I hear echoing in the back of my head followed by hysterical laughter... God is that you? The lead dog is then flanked by the other dogs, forming a really nice semicircle. What the hell do you yell in a situation like this? Dogs!! Dingos!! Fire!! My dog realized that her need to doo-doo had left us in deeper doo-doo. She bristled and began to bark insanely. Taking her cue, I raised my arms, stamped my foot, and yelled "hya." Stop laughing. I saw it on a nature show. The dogs obviously were frightened by an insane man and his rabid dog. One at a time, they  turned and trotted up the street (and I swear one of them gave the that "Next time, McFly" look) as he went off into the night. Maybe they thought they would get some insane human disease from biting me.

I felt like I had just been in a scene from one of those post-apocalyptic movies for 30 seconds later the street is flooded with seven people who just got off the train and a cab pulls in front of my building to let a drunk girl out. (This is not a lie and has not been embellished in any way.) WILD DOGS!! Who the hell is writing the script for my life? They need to take it easy on me. Cut the cliff hanger bullshit and let me be for a little bit. WILD DOGS!! In the city. In Manhattan. WILD DOGS. I call foul and shenanigans and say yes this is a sign of the apocalypse. WILD DOGS.

Posted by Kwaku at December 5, 2005 5:49 PM

Comments

It sounds like you should stay off the streets of New York at 2 a.m. You're lucky you didn't run into Blacula.

Posted by: embrownny at December 6, 2005 9:55 PM


WILD DOGS!! who could have known.

Posted by: Kwaku at December 8, 2005 10:12 AM


Great post, just like always. When I'm entering your blog I'm always sure I won't regret it. Continue writing.

Posted by: Redeyeshev at April 3, 2008 4:38 AM


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